Yes, Black twitter. Black twitter is the community of young
black people who are regular users of twitter. These users refer to it as “the
twitter streets”, and everybody who is anybody knows everybody in the
neighbourhood (tweighbourhood?). The term “black twitter” was coined by one
twelebrity or the other and it stuck.
Black twitter is truly a magical tworld to tweet in. All
types of topics, serious and light-hearted, local and international, relevant
and extremely-insignificant-but-so-hilarious are discussed.
As one would expect though, black twitter can be a very
rough ‘hood. Often, one twerson can find themselves in the wrong side of town
with the wrong crowd, and this can lead to bullying and all sorts of chirps.
This isn’t ideal.
This is how to avoid such instances.
. Become a fan of Twelebs.
The most essential rule to making it on black twitter is to
make nice with the twelebrities. Either that, or stay far away. “Twelebs?” You
ask, “What are those?” Allow me to explain. The loyal twerson (note here that I
do not use the term “twit”) knows that twitter is like a whole new virtual
world – a tworld if you may – and each community in this world has its own
virtual twelebrities. That is, ordinary individuals like you and I who create
superhuman twitter personalities that become famous. Of course, fame is
measured in retweets and fortune by way of follower count.
Now, black twitter has a number of twelebs, made famous by
their wit, their mean-streak or by just being shamelessly controversial. They
move in circles, run in clicks, and they all follow each other. Tweet anything
that they do not like or agree with and these boys and birds will chirp you.
And the whole black twitter community will virtually laugh at you with such
vigour and cyber mirth that you will take a serious blow to the twego.
“Kwaaaaaa” “hahahhahhahaha” “tltltltltllt” “waagagaga!” and “:’’’’’’D” are the
few ways amongst many that tweeps will let you know that they are laughing at
you. Hard.
2. No Engrish, please!
Once again, an explanation is warranted. “Engrish” is a term
coined on black twitter to refer to tweople who tweet in broken English. This
phenomenon is most prevalent in black twitter societies as there are many black
people who assert that “English is not their mother’s tongue”, as one
Engrish-speaker confidently stated.
Engrish is a crime of the first degree in the black twitter
community, and you know by now that it is not safe in those twitter streets.
One Engrishy offence and you will become the target. And yes, twelebs will be
the ones to point out and spread your failed attempt at perfect
sentence-construction like wildfire. Of course, in efforts to comply with the
first rule, the rest of the community will jump on the bandwagon and soon your
mentions will be flooded with RT’s upon RTs of kwaaaaaa, haaaahahahaha,
waagagagaga, :’’’’’’’D, tltltlttltltl, and the like. Keep a dictionary close.
3. Beware of the munch.
Screenmuncher is a blackberry application which allows a BB
wielding fame-monger to “munch” and save whatever they see on their screen as a
picture. “So? What’s the big deal?” I hear you asking. Oh, you have no idea how
rough these twitter streets are. Let me explain with a scenario:
New Guy on Black Twitter follows Popular Tweleb Girl on
twitter. Naïve and well-meaning NGBT sends PTG a direct message – those fateful
DMs – professing his twitter crush and other things to her. PTG, seeing the
perfect opportunity to gain more popularity through dragging NGBT’s handle in
the dirt, munches her screen with his message on it. PTG smiles wickedly as she
hears that menacing “schrummmunch” sound as Screenmuncher does its
evidence-collecting thing. PGT then twit-pics the munch of NGBT professing his
undying love – and other things – to her with a taunting hash tag along the
lines of #SMH or #TheThirst.
RT. RT. RT. RT. Kwaaaaaaa. Hahahhahaha. Waaagagaggaga.
Tltltltltltlltl. :”””D.
Now you understand.
4. Show face.
Not having an avatar of yourself, which means you have the
default twitter “egg” picture as your avatar, is the fastest way to falling
victim to the preying twelebs. As an egg-avatar twerson, your opinion is
automatically irrelevant and you are by default the butt of all yolks – I mean,
jokes. Egg-avatars are black twitter’s common enemy. Avoid this and you won’t
be left egg-faced. At least, not until you break rules one to three. In which
case, you know, Kwaaaaaaaa.
Written by: Sibabalwe Mona
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