Mixed Emotions

What does the South African youth think about interracial relationships in the post-Apartheid era?

“RT @Anonymous: No self-respecting white man would date a black woman.” – 29 August 2012

This year marks South Africa’s 18^th year of freedom and democracy, as the country is legally unchained from the racial oppression that occurred during the Apartheid era. Laws banning interracial relationships and marriage have long since been eradicated, and South Africa’s youth, the “born-frees”, have been able to enjoy a society were interracial love is not against the law. But behind South Africa’s institutionalised ideology of non-racialism and multicultural diversity lies the subtle yet undeniable and enduring undercurrent of racialism, perpetuated by the older generation, whom grew up in the racially segregated and intolerant Apartheid climate.

How much of older South African generations’ prejudices have rubbed off on our youth? Are interracial relationships amongst the youth becoming more tolerated, or is racial intolerance still an issue? I spoke to two interracial couples, all 20 year old students, to hear about their experiences of being together. Thando* is a Xhosa man and Megan* is Coloured with Indian heritage. Both come from liberal homes, and their parents are supportive of their relationship.

But not all young interracial couples have been so lucky. During their now-ended relationship, Sbu* and Ann* had to face huge obstacles due to their different races, and in the end were forced to part ways because of familial pressures.“When I told my mother about Sbu the first thing she told me was not to sleep with him, implying that black people may have AIDS. My dad compared the fact that I was dating a black guy with being a lesbian and told me that I was looking for trouble.”

Older generations’ prejudices and intolerance, it seems, is the biggest issue when it comes to young interracial relationships in South Africa. Both couples expressed their lament at the disapproval that they have all experienced from older people across the race spectrum, both family and strangers. Sbu admits that although his family does not have a problem with him dating outside of his race, they often tell him that it is just a passing phase. The older members of Megan’s Indian half of the family are also not completely racially tolerant, and Thando admits that some family members may have a problem with the fact that there are Indians in Megan’s family.

Perhaps the most disconcerting part of it all is that, while prejudices and disapproval from older generations is the most prevalent, there are many young South Africans that think that dating outside of one’s race is wrong, or repulsive. Megan tells a worrying tale of how some of her white Afrikaans friends would use the “k-word” and express disgust at interracial relationships. Ann too lost a few male friends, who had trouble understanding and accepting her relationship with a black person. Sbu speaks about how his white peers do not agree with or approve of black men dating white women.

It is generally accepted that this intolerance amongst the youth is a result of being influenced by the social norms and family values that children are taught during their upbringing in the extremely racially-aware South African society.  There are, however, some young South Africans who base their aversion to interracial relationships on their own perceptions. Thandile* is one such young woman whom, despite an extremely liberal upbringing, finds interracial relationships in South Africa problematic because of the loss of African culture that occurs, asserting that “this world has been constructed on the fact that “you’re darker than me so you’re less than me” and that has been perpetuated.” This social construct, Thandile says, affects interracial relationships and causes a loss of black culture andAfricanness.

Ann unknowingly proves that Thandile’s argument holds water, as she asserts that the fact that Sbu is a “westernised”, non-traditional and private school-educated black man is mostly why she considered dating him. To a certain extent Sbu recognises that there is some truth in Thandile’s sentiments, although he is hesitant to fully agree. “If there was an average white girl and an average black girl, my friends and I agreed that we would all go for the white girl. And it’s like, why? We don’t even know why. It may be a matter of pride.”

So what does this say about the youth’s stance on interracial relationships in South Africa? Megan and Ann, much like Thandile, doubt that there will be many changes in the public’s frame-of-mind anytime soon, although they do feel that the youth are a bit more open-minded and are beginning to formulate their own ideas and opinions. Thando and Sbu are much more optimistic about the future. Although they assert that we have a long way to go, they both envision the future South Africa as a more mixed, tolerant and colour-blind nation.

Perhaps this is possible and plausible, perhaps not. With young couples who are thriving through the adversity such as Megan and Thando, however, there is a glimmer of hope.

*names have been changed

Written by: Sibabalwe Mona (@sibs_steez)

Via Cheka

How To Survive On Black Twitter

Yes, Black twitter. Black twitter is the community of young black people who are regular users of twitter. These users refer to it as “the twitter streets”, and everybody who is anybody knows everybody in the neighbourhood (tweighbourhood?). The term “black twitter” was coined by one twelebrity or the other and it stuck.

Black twitter is truly a magical tworld to tweet in. All types of topics, serious and light-hearted, local and international, relevant and extremely-insignificant-but-so-hilarious are discussed.

As one would expect though, black twitter can be a very rough ‘hood. Often, one twerson can find themselves in the wrong side of town with the wrong crowd, and this can lead to bullying and all sorts of chirps. This isn’t ideal.

This is how to avoid such instances.

. Become a fan of Twelebs.

The most essential rule to making it on black twitter is to make nice with the twelebrities. Either that, or stay far away. “Twelebs?” You ask, “What are those?” Allow me to explain. The loyal twerson (note here that I do not use the term “twit”) knows that twitter is like a whole new virtual world – a tworld if you may – and each community in this world has its own virtual twelebrities. That is, ordinary individuals like you and I who create superhuman twitter personalities that become famous. Of course, fame is measured in retweets and fortune by way of follower count.

Now, black twitter has a number of twelebs, made famous by their wit, their mean-streak or by just being shamelessly controversial. They move in circles, run in clicks, and they all follow each other. Tweet anything that they do not like or agree with and these boys and birds will chirp you. And the whole black twitter community will virtually laugh at you with such vigour and cyber mirth that you will take a serious blow to the twego. “Kwaaaaaa” “hahahhahhahaha” “tltltltltllt” “waagagaga!” and “:’’’’’’D” are the few ways amongst many that tweeps will let you know that they are laughing at you. Hard.

2. No Engrish, please!

Once again, an explanation is warranted. “Engrish” is a term coined on black twitter to refer to tweople who tweet in broken English. This phenomenon is most prevalent in black twitter societies as there are many black people who assert that “English is not their mother’s tongue”, as one Engrish-speaker confidently stated.

Engrish is a crime of the first degree in the black twitter community, and you know by now that it is not safe in those twitter streets. One Engrishy offence and you will become the target. And yes, twelebs will be the ones to point out and spread your failed attempt at perfect sentence-construction like wildfire. Of course, in efforts to comply with the first rule, the rest of the community will jump on the bandwagon and soon your mentions will be flooded with RT’s upon RTs of kwaaaaaa, haaaahahahaha, waagagagaga, :’’’’’’’D, tltltlttltltl, and the like. Keep a dictionary close.

3. Beware of the munch.

Screenmuncher is a blackberry application which allows a BB wielding fame-monger to “munch” and save whatever they see on their screen as a picture. “So? What’s the big deal?” I hear you asking. Oh, you have no idea how rough these twitter streets are. Let me explain with a scenario:

New Guy on Black Twitter follows Popular Tweleb Girl on twitter. Naïve and well-meaning NGBT sends PTG a direct message – those fateful DMs – professing his twitter crush and other things to her. PTG, seeing the perfect opportunity to gain more popularity through dragging NGBT’s handle in the dirt, munches her screen with his message on it. PTG smiles wickedly as she hears that menacing “schrummmunch” sound as Screenmuncher does its evidence-collecting thing. PGT then twit-pics the munch of NGBT professing his undying love – and other things – to her with a taunting hash tag along the lines of #SMH or #TheThirst.

RT. RT. RT. RT. Kwaaaaaaa. Hahahhahaha. Waaagagaggaga. Tltltltltltlltl. :”””D.

Now you understand.

4. Show face.

Not having an avatar of yourself, which means you have the default twitter “egg” picture as your avatar, is the fastest way to falling victim to the preying twelebs. As an egg-avatar twerson, your opinion is automatically irrelevant and you are by default the butt of all yolks – I mean, jokes. Egg-avatars are black twitter’s common enemy. Avoid this and you won’t be left egg-faced. At least, not until you break rules one to three. In which case, you know, Kwaaaaaaaa.

Written by: Sibabalwe Mona

Opinion: We Want More Videos ( Written By Siphiwe )

“To attain more recognition, the album/offering should be based on one single equals a video ratio.”

Channel-hopping through the music channels one night I noticed that one channel in specific played the Top Ten Lil Wayne songs. This left me thinking… “Will we ever see a top ten SA hip hop artist special?”

As SA hip-hop continues to grow, we attain in matching the international standards in terms of production and exportable quality. But think of your favourite local hip-hop song – now match that number to the number of videos they have released for that specific album.

We are now seeing our artists being endorsed by big brands so you see them more frequently on media platforms. However, there are a bunch of rappers you may listen to that you wouldn’t even recognise in the streets. Why is that? Not enough exposure. On a 15-track album you can’t ride out on a one single one video mentality. To attain more recognition, the album/offering should be based on one single equals a video ratio. This way you have the media in a chokehold, the radio is spinning your record AND the music video is on rotation. [Ed’s Note: That’s if you have a hit single on your hands.]

This is not unfounded speculation, but every video doesn’t have to be in the $7 million bracket as MJ’s “Scream”, although with every video your rep and recognition is impacted. A simple video; interactive and memorable will suffice.  Break barriers if that’s what you set out to do but remember that simplicity can be memorable too. YouTube The Roots “What They Do” as a reference.

On “Mkhukhu Funkshen”, Skwatta Kamp harboured the one album one video mentality. Undoubtedly the album garnered scores of fans; reportedly sold gold, picked up a SAMA, and you might even go to the extent of saying they revolutionised the game, but “Umoya” was the album’s only video. The issue is that your product needs a face; an image people can attach their ringtone to, that even when they see you in the streets – they recognize and show love.  It’s a connection fans want to make with their favourite artists. And artists can do this by being more vigilant through media channels, and release more visuals for their offerings.

And know, there’s no need for special effects or expensive cars if there’s no budget, rather focus on creativity in its simplest form. If you release three singles to your upcoming album, we look forward to seeing three videos grace our screens.

Great Read: The "Friendzone" - Let It Go,Buddy.

The Friendzone is the harshest prison on earth. You get imprisoned not for doing anything wrong, but for being who you are. It makes sense then that people take their time there to heart. What people don’t realise is that it shouldn’t be a punishment, but rather an opportunity. It is beyond annoying how much people complain about what should be seen as an indictment of themselves and their peers.  Bear with me as I essentially tell you to stop boring us with your friendship-filled tears, and do something to change the situation.

People are idiots. This is because we are irrational. The difference between ignorance and stupidity is that with ignorance one doesn’t know any better. With stupidity one knows better but doesn’t do better, and this irrationality stems from our natural inclination to base our decisions on our emotions. This is why people often end up with people they shouldn’t have any business associating with. You know this man is fat, ugly, dumb and any other bad adjective you can Google. But hey, he’s popular so now you want to start DM-ing him your BBM pin. You’re an idiot. She’s shallow, materialistic and uninteresting. Mmmm, but she’s got the most perfect ass you’ve ever seen, so now you’ve caught feelings. You’re an idiot too. But don’t be mad at them for feeling how they feel, be mad at them for acting on it. What people who’ve been friendzoned need to realise is that people can’t help how they feel. You can’t force them to like you back, or force them to stop liking who they like, no matter how recklessly they are behaving.

“You can’t feel anything that your heart doesn’t want to feel” – James Morrison

Firstly, you need to make peace with the fact that people like maintaining appearances. Yes she said she wanted a smart, funny and sweet guy, and you’re all those things, but she’s still not giving you. That is because she didn’t say he also has to be attractive, rich and/or popular. It doesn’t mean she was lying, it just means that she wasn’t 100% honest. Similarly, a guy saying he wants a smart, strong and independent woman isn’t being completely honest when he omits that she must not make more than him or defy his authority, and must give him sex on command. It’s difficult for people to be 100% honest in this world because we need to be civil to maintain our social standing. No girl can come out and say that she is a gold digger and expect to maintain friendships. As a friend you must accept that people only list criteria in an ideal and not necessarily practical manner. They say they want those qualities ideally, but life is not necessarily ideal. People are fluid creatures; accept that each situation is different. People desire many qualities in theory, but hearts aren’t known for their rationality.

Next, you must also see where people are coming from. Sometimes people genuinely don’t see their friends in a sexual/relational manner, but a lot of the time it boils down to attraction. Some people must realise that as great as they are as people, that doesn’t necessarily make them attractive. Fine, you’re really funny and nice and everything, but you look like Rick Ross, so now what must happen? There is a very distinct difference between being good-looking and being attractive. You can’t, barring an episode of Dr 90210, change your physical features, but you can improve your level of attractiveness. If you’ve got thousands of jokes but zero sexual charisma, stop trying to bully her into being with you and improve yourself. Go to gym, buy a GQ, watch Mystery’s show, read a book, WHATEVER DUDE. Just be better. Attraction isn’t necessarily always about looks, often it’s more mental and emotional than anything.

Lastly, you need to wake the fuck up. If you’ve done everything in your power to be the best you can be for this person and they still don’t want you, let it go. When you apply for a job and your application gets denied, you don’t keep going to their office to cry about it. You either work towards improving your CV and apply again, or you go get another job. If your improved experience and CV doesn’t get you the job, go apply somewhere else. There will always be better jobs and there will always be better people. Ask yourself this: if they can’t recognise how amazing you are, are they really worth your time? Just accept that your friend, as amazing as they may be, is an idiot.

The Friendzone should inspire you to improve yourself. If your friend doesn’t want you, you should either let it go and move on to better things, or improve yourself to the point that you cannot be denied. People will always feel how they want to feel and there is nothing you can do to change that, so stop crying about it and just be better. If after all that effort you are still determined to be with them as opposed to someone who recognises you for who you are, then good luck. You are a person after all, and people are idiots.

By Lebo Sibisi (@MrImJustSayin)

Inside A Man's Mind ( About Woman )

Man are creatures that can be tempted and bated easily. This article is focused on what we actually find very sexy about a woman based on their appearance. Its not a well researched article but it's based on what I know since I'm a man. Do enjoy.

There's nothing sexier than tight leggings on a well shaped female. It just drives guys insane! Keeping a neutral look by wearing formal but yet casual at the same time is not bad from those who can pull it off,but this look is just perfect!

My Goshh. Wear like this or something similar when you feel like your boyfriend doesn't want to commit to you as in of marriage and i promise he wont even hesitate to go down on his knees!

Sometimes a guy wants you to look so appealing(not saying that you weren't before) but man get the drive to love you more when they see that you compliment them perfectly. Seeing other man drool over you can make him feel like you the best thing that has ever happened to him and that can cause him to want you more. This look can do the job,no doubt!

Sex is fun. Sometimes sex can be boring to others,it depends. Something that spices up a man's sex drive is when you look so hot in your underwear. Victoria secret or just cheaper labels can do,but it's the personality that can mostly contribute to it all. So when you wearing naughty clothes,don't be shy!

Girls that take good care of their bodies can help them from fitting that no1 dress just perfectly. Gym ladies,i know its hard but still.

High heels with an african booty tight showing dress. Damn you woman! 

Finally,the short dresses that hug your waist line.

These are some of the looks that just make us man melt.